i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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