I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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