Moan for me like Helen Keller
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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