FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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