he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
being pregnant is like rehab
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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