his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
