Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
