His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
