Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
