Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
