I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my shit smells like andre
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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