As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
