Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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