Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
