so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
