remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
