There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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