Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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