Cold hands, warm shart.
I have demons in me.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
