no, he came in my armpit
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
