I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
