I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
