In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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