he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
