guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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