GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
