i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
