Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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