Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
