I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
