Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
