I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
