Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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