i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
