Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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