so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
