He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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