Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
