Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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