he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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