i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize