So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I cut my penus on the lid.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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