She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
