You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
