I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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