Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
