My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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