last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
