Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
