So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
