If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
BRING THE BAGELS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
