I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
