hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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