I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
