The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
