So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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