I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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