you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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