how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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