dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
