I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
