I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
