So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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